There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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