We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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