how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
