Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
