What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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