i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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