Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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