How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
