Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He better not be in your backpack
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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