You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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