She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
