That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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