marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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