i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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