He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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