No awkward lesbian experiences without me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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