i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
