we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
