Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
