I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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