Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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