Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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