Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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