Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
