i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
