hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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