Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
