Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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