I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we live vicariously through your huge boobs