She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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