He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
