was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
