I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
