I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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