Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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