It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
