my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
