Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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