You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
