You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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