I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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