she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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