WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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