guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
