a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
