you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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