One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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