no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
