Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
