The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I didn't shave. On purpose
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
