so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize