so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
