So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
