You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
