I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
