I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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