How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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