I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
