i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
