Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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