Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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