i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
