My hand turned me down
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
