I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
