community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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