im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
