I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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