Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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