So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
